Hi there. I’ve been back in Austin for a little over 3 months now. I just re-watched the video in my last blog post and it’s hard to believe how much my life has changed (again) in such a short amount of time. I am still in limbo, staying with my parents and looking for a job. It hasn’t been easy, well it HAS and it hasn’t. I was recently sharing some of these feelings with a friend who’s a current PCV and active blogger, but I thought I should hash it all out here as well in case any of my former readers are interested in hearing about this part of the experience. I’m finally processing some of what my Peace Corps service means to me.
Since I’ve been home, many people have asked me about culture shock and whether I am experiencing it. My immediate reaction has been “no, I don’t think so,” said tentatively as if it might be about to jump out at me from around the corner any minute. I felt like nothing was shocking, all was familiar. I grew up here and after all, being in Nicaragua for a couple of years really isn’t that isolating with technology in the mix. I kept in touch with family and friends on an almost weekly basis while I was gone, and although I sorely missed my host family and friends when I returned, I was genuinely happy to be home for the holidays, not to mention to be taking hot showers and lounging on comfy couches on a regular basis.
During November and December my job search was bearing some potential fruit and much more active than I had expected, which kept me distracted and excited about my next chapter. Unfortunately, the opportunities presented during that time either didn’t pan out, or didn’t seem like the right fit at the time. Since then, although I have been sending out applications, volunteering, and networking, it has been incredibly sloooooooow. My friends tell me this is completely normal for the time of year, but it’s been difficult and honestly a bit demoralizing. (Anyone who’s been on the job hunt recently will probably tell you the same.)
So while I hadn’t had many responses to my job search (I’ll get to that) I’ve had lots of time to think. WAY too much time to think, probably.
I had no idea when I applied to the Peace Corps how hard it would be to return to the U.S. afterwards. I had lived, however briefly, in London after finishing college and remember trying to figure out a way to get back to the UK right away. I have always liked traveling and considered summer breaks that allowed me to do that a huge benefit of being a teacher. But the Peace Corps experience was completely different, and I just didn’t expect it.
For safety reasons, Peace Corps Nicaragua requires volunteers to live with a family. In some cases this is loosely interpreted as a ‘casita’ on a family’s property so that volunteers are able to live a more independent lifestyle while still being under the family’s “safety net.” I thought this kind of set up is what I would eventually want for myself since I had lived outside of my family’s home for many years prior to the Peace Corps and was used to living outside of the watchful eye of a family matriach. I was initially placed with a young family: a man and a woman in their 20’s and their two pre-school aged girls. I thought they seemed lovely, but imagined that at some point I would move out to a quieter, more independently set up place like what my site-mate had. Little did I know that I would end up living there the entire two years and feeling my heart rip in half while saying good bye to them at the end of my service.
What happened? I trusted them. They trusted me not only in their home, but eventually with their children. They were my support system. They made me feel like a part of their family and they became part of my family. It felt awful to leave them. I asked myself “why wasn’t I crying at night when I arrived in Nicaragua for my own family like I am now for these people I only knew for two years?” I missed my family when I arrived, sure, but I wasn’t overly sad or heartbroken to be away from them. The difference, I realize now, is that I always knew that being away from my Austin friends and family was temporary. Peace Corps is a 2 year service so I knew that I would see them again. I of course, plan on visiting my host family, and I want to go as soon as possible, but will it be the same? The heartbreak that I felt when leaving (and still feel today) was the realization that this was a very special time and it was over.
Separation from my host family and Nicaraguan friends (and of course my volunteer friends!) has been made somewhat easier by the increasing connectivity of even under-developed nations like Nicaragua. I’m in regular contact with a couple of friends on Facebook, and have been texting more and more with my host family through WhatsApp. Last week I was fortunate enough to have an hour-long Facetime chat with both my host sister and her two young daughters for the first time since I let their home one tear-filled morning in October. One of the current PCVs in San Rafael del Norte graciously went over to their house and let them use her phone and internet connection so that we could really chat! It was so great.
Back in Austin the job search continues to be slow, but I am focused on getting to know the non-profit community here by networking and volunteering. I know that my previous experience in education, as well as my experience with grant writing, community project organization and Spanish language skills from my Peace Corps service will lead me to something great. I just haven’t found it yet!
When I’m not scouring the internet for opportunities, I’ve been tutoring, going to Spanish meet-ups and have been active with the local Returned Peace Corps Association (Heart of Texas Peace Corps Association). I just started volunteering with the Austin League of Women Voters.
I hope to be able to update my blog with an exciting job announcement in the near future, but in the mean time I am looking forward to attending the SXSWedu conference as well as the SXSW interactive, film and music conferences and festivals where both Michelle and Barack Obama are keynote speakers.
Love from Austin,
Mariel x
Mariel's Adventure Blog! 
Well-written update, honey! We love having you here as long as it takes for you to find the right job. Until then, you’re home right here.
Love from Mom
Thanks for the update. Love all the pictures. Hoping that a “perfect fit job” is just around the corner!
I love the photos. We need to hang out again soon!